I've been following all the recent gay marriage hoopla with interest. It's pretty fascinating, because both sides of the issue are kind of nuts. Today Dan Savage wrote a column on the subject so I'm going to use that as an example (he's actually more rational than many).

Some gay and lesbian couples would like to marry for the same reasons so many straight couples would like to marry or have already married: They're in love, they've made a commitment to each other, and they want the rights, privileges, and responsibilities (RPRs) that come with legal marriage.

Does anyone else see a disconnect here?

Gay rights advocates - with whom I sympathize - are making the exact same mistake that the anti-gay-marriage crowd does: they're conflating civil marriage with real marriage.

Civil marriage would be the part administered by the state: your marriage license, your tax benefits or penalties, your inheritance rights, and so forth.

Real marriage is when you stand up in front of witnesses (and God if that's your thing) and make a commitment to each other, and then you live your life according to that commitment.

I might be alone here, but I'm pretty sure that the latter is more important. Civil marriage is about legalities and money -- real marriage is about your life. And they are not the same thing. Until I saw a picture of a lesbian couple holding up their San Francisco marriage license, I had no idea what such a license even looked like. I assume, of course, that my parents got a marriage license, but if not, I would never know the difference. What makes my parents married is the fact that they stood in front of family, friends, and God and pledged to be together for the rest of their lives, then proceeded to live that way. Whatever paperwork they had to sign for the state of Ohio, or the city of Parma, or whoever the heck is responsible for that, was just red tape. The marriage license made them married about as much as my birth certificate made me born.

The anti-gay-marriage crowd has this weird thing where they think that governmental recognition of marriage is bound up with marriage itself. So that if the government decides to recognize gay marriage, they're changing the definition of marriage. That isn't true at all, of course. If marriage is sacred, then God decides who's married. No matter how much Uncle Sam tries to butt in, that doesn't change.

But the weird part is that the gay rights side thinks the same thing! I keep reading quotes from gay couples who are complaining that their love isn't recognized the same way as het love is. Dudes, I can guarantee you that civil marriage has nothing whatsoever to do with love. Even though I've never seen a marriage license up close, I am quite certain that "Do you love each other?" is not one of the questions you get asked. The love and commitment part - which is, clearly, the most important - is what you already have. You can have a ceremony and say "I do" now, and I'll happily consider you married. True, about half of America won't, but don't fool yourself thinking that getting a marriage license will change their minds about that.

The only real worth that a civil marriage has is as it relates to the state -- taxes, inheritance benefits, ability to legally adopt. And I don't discount the worth of these; I just object to them being termed marriage. What they really are is next-of-kin benefits. And I, for one, am appalled that in America, there is no simple way to designate one's chosen next of kin other than getting married to someone of the opposite sex. What we ought to be pushing for is allowing anyone to form a civil partnership, and getting rid of the sham idea that the government has any right to say who's married and who isn't.

# : 3:43 PM : :

This has been a very stressful week. The last post talked about my study-full weekend and Tuesday morning's test, but it got so much worse.

On Tuesday I had a small meltdown because I couldn't do my problem set; the graphs were reduced to 4 per page and I never learned about IR or mass spectrometry anyway. So I decided I would just do whatever I could Wednesday at work and leave it at that.

Luckily, shortly before it was time to go to lab, I had a breakthrough and managed to get the right answers to two of the problems and close-ish answers to another two. (I skipped the last one.) So I printed out all my stuff and rushed to my car, realizing that I was going to be late to lab. I had no idea just how late I was going to be.

I was sitting at a stoplight, eating my 'dinner' (one nectarine), and my car all of a sudden stopped running. The idiot lights all came on, and the power steering and brakes stopped working. I was extremely surprised, since my car is under a year old. So I pulled off to the side of the road. A very nice postal worker stopped his big US Mail truck and took a peek at the engine, but he couldn't see the problem. So he directed me to a gas station, apologized that he wasn't allowed to drive me, and promised to let the police know I was broken down there and come back to check on me later.

I called Amy to come get me, and she started on her way while I started hiking to the gas station, whose service bay turned out to be closed. So I went back to the car and called Eric and my parents. My mom suggested trying to start the car again, which, duh, should have been my first step, but I was too stressed to think of it. Well, it started fine.

But I was worried that there was still something wrong, so when Amy came she followed me to GMU and sat in the student union while I went to lab.

This is where my day got better, because the lab took literally 10 minutes. Being 75 minutes late was perfect because it meant I got there right when the last people were finishing up with the IR machine, so I could hop right in without having to wait. And my lab instructor, who's extremely nice and helpful, helped me do the IR and even explained the results to me.

Also, it turned out that my problem set is really due next week! So now that I know how to do the problems, and have learned a little about IR, I can do it properly and get a good grade.

I talked to my dad, who thinks my car just stalled, and it's probably OK but needs to be checked out. Amy followed me home, and we stopped at Trader Joe's and got some tiramisu, since we deserved a treat.

So today I woke up feeling all happy, since yesterday turned out well and I got to encounter so many nice people (postman, Amy, lab instructor).

Then I went to class, where we got our tests back. I did not do as well as I thought, though I did beat the class average by 17 points which is sufficient for a B. I was mad at myself because I had changed a few answers and it turned out I'd been right to start with. Then I went to ask about a problem that I think is very questionable according to the textbook, and the prof wasn't buying my explanation. Between frustration and sadness at my overall score, I started to cry. I was extremely embarrassed so I cut the discussion short before it went from wobbly voice and watery eyes to full-out bawling, and went to hide in the bathroom to engage in the latter.

I hate that I cry from stress. This is why I hate arguing answers with professors, because it almost always happens, and then it looks as if I'm crying over three points, which is really not the case at all. I think this is the worst part about being female.

But now I'm feeling better, because I got stuff done at work this morning, and I'm looking at a nice restful evening. I think I'm going to get dinner out, then come home and eat tiramisu and watch Buffy. I'm really looking forward to it.

# : 1:32 PM : :

I had my first O Chem test of the semester this morning. It actually went fairly well; I think I'll have a solid B or an A depending on the curve. But since that required giving up essentially my entire weekend, as well as several hours last night and early this morning, to study, I am still grumpy about it. Plus I have a lab report and problem set due tomorrow; I think I'll work on them this afternoon but will almost certainly have to hang out at the GMU library tonight. And probably more work tomorrow.

On the up side, Thursday night (beginning of my 3-day weekend) is going to feel really good!

I'll have to make myself do some MCAT review this weekend. I am such a nut; I'm actually looking forward to taking a practice test because I'm so curious as to how I'll do! But I refuse to take one until I've at least flipped through the whole review book. I don't want to get myself off on the wrong foot.

Apologies to those who are bored by my school entries. I swear, after April, I will have a life again!

# : 11:26 AM : :

Being a kid really sucked, now that I think about it. As an adult:

• no one expects me to drink Kool-Aid or eat generic "sandwich cookies"
  
  
• I can go to the bathroom whenever I want - no need to ask permission
  
  
• being a geek means I make more money
  
  
• reading a lot is a good thing
  
  
• people usually believe me when I say "no thanks, I don't care for milk"
  
  
• it is possible to buy clothing which fits me AND is stylish and age-appropriate
  
  
• people now realize that yes, it is possible that I am smarter than they are
  
  
• no one thinks it's "cute" when I ask difficult questions
  
  
• naptime is optional
  
  
• no recess
  
  
• my brain is fully developed
  
  
• I don't have to play dress-up or makeover
  
  
• working ahead is evidence of motivation, not something to be stamped out in order to "keep the whole class on the same page"
  
  
• no gym class - adult sports (like skiing or scuba) are so much more fun, and there's no such thing as getting picked last
  
  
• my clothes are mine alone; no hand-me-downs, no unannounced borrowing
  
  
• no one says "you'll change your mind when you're older" - even though now I know I probably will!
  
  
• I control the thermostat
  
  
• no Sunday school
  
  
• in the morning, I can shower and dress as slowly as I wish - and I don't have to talk to anyone
  
  
• I can walk away from people who are bothering me
  
  
• if someone hits me, it's assault
  
  
• my friends are people I like, rather than people who happen to be enrolled in school with me
  
  
• there's no law against being out at 3 AM
  
  
• nor will I get grounded for it
  
  
• chocolate for breakfast, popcorn for dinner ... in the living room, in front of the TV

# : 3:01 PM : :

You're Watership Down!

by Richard Adams

Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're
actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their
assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they
build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd
be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

I can't say I think the description applies (except maybe that I don't get taken seriously because I talk about bunnies and kittens and babies too much), but hey, I'm a book about bunnies!

(It's an excellent book, too. You should read it.)

# : 6:17 PM : :

It's gorgeous outside today. I went out in a short-sleeved shirt and corduroy jacket, and it was so refreshing. Except that while I was getting gas the wind was trying to blow me away, but whatever.

I went to Target to get my prescription refilled. I think using the Target pharmacy was a bad idea, because it means I have to go to Target every month. And it is impossible to get out of Target without finding something I never knew I needed! Today's haul included curlers, lotion, a magazine, kitchen canisters (for flour, sugar, and two other things... maybe I didn't need a whole set), and a trash can for my office area, since I cleaned it yesterday and realized I'd have a lot less trash there if I didn't have to go into the bathroom to throw it away.

On my way home I saw a car wash place, and decided to get my car washed since it hasn't had that treat since December. It was the first time I've gone to a drive-through car wash, and I was so amused. You put your car in neutral and it pulls you through like a theme-park ride! And there are giant foam thingies flapping against your car! And it blows the car dry at the end! Wow, that was cool. I wouldn't say my car is spotless now, but it's a heck of a lot cleaner than it would've been otherwise.

I'll finish with a pun from my sister's away message: "studying for my history test :-O and then working on geology, but i bet that will ROCK" ... I love puns.

# : 3:43 PM : :

For several months now I've been pretty gung-ho about the whole med school thing. I've been feeling quite sure about the decision, and excited to be moving forward.

This morning, I checked my email and there was a whole discussion going on on the ACM mailing list about the ENGR 131 curriculum.

[For the non-CWRUtons who read my blog: ACM = Association for Computing Machinery, the Case chapter of which is basically a computer science and engineering majors' club. I wasn't extremely involved though I did participate in a programming competition and went to a few events. ENGR 131 = the intro to programming class that I TA'd for five semesters, which was the best job ever.]

The discussion itself isn't really thrilling (though I did try to put in my two cents and was rejected since I can't send email from my Case address at work), but it had a weird effect on me. It reminded me of when I first took 131 and realized that my brain worked like a programmer's brain. And I was good at programming, and it was fun! That's when I declared my major as computer engineering.

I'm also remembering all the programming classes I took and loved, and spending time with other computer geeks, and entering the programming contest. And, of course, teaching 131, which I still really miss.

And now here I am, sitting at my only-kind-of-programming job, planning my career change to medicine.

Thinking, do I really want to do this?

I'm pretty sure that all of my reasoning behind the career change has been correct; although I like the idea of being a programmer, I've already established that I don't really like the reality of sitting at a computer. The occasional supercoolness doesn't make up for the overall boredom. Or the painful arm and shoulder from excessive mouse use. But wow, thinking back has such an emotional impact.

You know what this is like? It's like being happy in your new relationship, then one day running across a letter from an old flame. Even though you know there are reasons you broke up, and your new partner is a better choice, the old memories come flooding back, bringing all the emotions with them. And it turns out that you're not done grieving, and maybe never will be.

I guess I will always regret the road not taken, whichever road that turns out to be. But today I'm wondering if I'm really ready to choose yet.

# : 9:54 AM : :

My new blog template is courtesy of Emily. Now I am one of the cool kids!

# : 11:57 AM : :

I had a wonderful weekend in Cleveland. Eric picked me up from the airport Friday morning and we spent the day together, then I got to see all sorts of Case people in the evening while he was working.

Eric and I went out to lunch on Saturday for Valentine's Day. We went to see my family in the afternoon, and they were all going to see Return of the King so we tagged along and went to Max's Deli for dinner. We had to split up since there were eight of us, so Eric and I ended up basically double-dating with my parents for Valentine's dinner.

Sunday I went to see Emma's cheerleading competition. She did very well and they won their division. And I spent Monday with my family also - my mom cooked lunch AND dinner!

I am so happy that I got to have such a nice weekend. My boyfriend, family, and friends are all fantastic!

There are only two minor complaints; I caught Eric's cold and left my Indian leftovers in my parents' fridge!

# : 11:51 AM : :

I think everything I want to post about today is a complaint. Oh, well. Here goes:

My back has been bothering me all week. I think this is because it is cold in my lab, so I huddle up and cross my legs to keep the heat in. Then I'm off kilter in my chair and end up using my back muscles to balance. I am really missing having someone around to rub my back.

Of course, if I got to spend more time stretched out on the floor it would probably help too, but instead, last night I had to go to chem lab. I was one of the slowest people there even before I accidentally spilled my product all over the lab bench. So I had to spend half an hour scraping it up, getting a lot of lint in the process. Which meant I had to dissolve and filter it, which meant it recrystallized everywhere in the filter flask instead of in a nice pile in the bottom of a beaker. That'll be fun to get out next week.

And I have to wake up at 4 in the morning tomorrow.

Actually, that reminds me of good things. I have to wake up early because I have to catch a flight to Cleveland, where I will see friends and family and spend Valentine's Day with my sweetie.

Lab is actually not so bad, because miraculously, this lab is well-run. Unlike any other lab course I've taken (with the possible exception of Chem 113 with Doc Oc), we actually know what we're supposed to be doing at any point, and the instructor helps us when we ask - and even sometimes when we don't. Also, the bright side of being so slow yesterday is that my solution was apparently mostly free of byproducts, as it was nearly clear compared to many bright-yellow solutions I saw. (Of course, spilling my product will wipe out any extra yield.)

Well, a 3:2 ratio of complaints to praises is not so bad, I guess.

# : 10:35 AM : :

I started my volunteer work two weeks ago. I'm in Patient Services which means I run errands and wheel discharged patients to the door. This sounds fairly boring, but so far I am loving it. I get to go all over the hospital and see where they do everything. And the patients are usually very nice. My favorite is when I get to do discharges from Women's and Children's, which generally means wheeling a mom and brand-new baby downstairs to be picked up by the new dad. The babies are incredibly tiny and cute. I'm not allowed to touch them, but I get to look all I want!

The only bad part is that I have to wear an ill-fitting blue jacket, khakis, and sneakers. This is clearly not a flattering outfit, because everyone has been surprised to hear that I'm an adult volunteer (age 18+), and even more surprised that I've already graduated from college. I know I should be happy about looking young, but I'd rather not look like I'm in high school.

# : 9:40 AM : :

There were a couple of articles about this linked on Fark today.

The Uncanny Valley: Why are monster-movie zombies so horrifying and talking animals so fascinating?

The Man Who Mistook His Girlfriend for a Robot: When David Hanson set out to build a robotic head, he saw no reason not to make it look just like a human. Then he stumbled into the Uncanny Valley.

It's a pretty interesting concept, and I can't believe that I've never heard about it before. Basically it says that, as creatures get more anthropomorphic, they cause more positive reactions in humans, up to a point. Then, at the almost-but-not-quite-human point, they freak us out and cause very negative reactions, until they fit into our idea of human again and the positive reaction returns. This is why talking animals are cute, anime characters like Princess Mononoke are effective, dolls and clowns can be disturbing, we find it difficult to look at deformed humans, and the Final Fantasy movie was weird.

I think this is related to something I've noticed before, and referenced in a paper last year for my Japanese Pop Culture class: fables starring animals tend to be more effective than ones with humans. Imagine if Animal Farm's cast had been made up of humans. I don't think it would have worked, because the characters are very fleshed-out for animals, but quite caricatured for humans. It would have been freaky in a way that would detract from the story.

Now I wonder if this theory has anything to do with the noted phenomenon that people often react more strongly to bad things happening to animals than to people. For example, I'll cry when an animal is hit by a car in a movie, but if a person is run over I continue watching the movie. Perhaps our reactions are more nuanced as we move along the continuum to human - talking animals are simply cute, but we have ambivalent and complicated thoughts about people? Or maybe we feel more protective of things that are relatively far from human, because we feel we can take care of ourselves?

# : 11:16 AM : :

Baby Hippopotamus - did you know baby hippos were cute? I didn't, but this one definitely is.

Huge Orange Cat - I am not sure if this is for real or not, but if the woman is petite and the cat is (at least) as big as Spats and as fluffy as Ricky, I can see it.

# : 7:58 PM : :

The most annoying thing about my class so far is that I have had to buy so much stuff. My first trip to the bookstore, I got my textbook, lab textbook, lab notebook, and lab manual. Which cost some $250.

I had to go back to get copies of the notes, a lab coat, and goggles, about $35. It turns out that we get free disposable lab coats in lab, but the one I bought isn't returnable. Oh well, it fits better than the disposable ones, and it'll make a good apron after lab is over.

Then I went back AGAIN because I still needed the study guide, which they'd been out of the first two times. It cost $75, and while I was at the counter I remembered that I needed to buy Scantron forms. The professor had specified "ParScore 8000" except none of them were labelled that way. So I had to ask for assistance and they finally told me I needed the small green ones (although they'd accidentally sold they guy before me the small teal ones). Which turned out to cost 15 cents apiece. WHY can't they just include a $1 Scantron charge in tuition and hand out the damn things at test time? That way, extraneous bookstore trips could be avoided, and the poor guy in line in front of me wouldn't have a nasty surprise when his form doesn't match everybody else's.

Now we have a problem set assigned in lab. Did they hand it out? Did they put it in the lab manual? Did they post it on the web? NO. It's for sale in the bookstore. So I have to go there YET AGAIN and pay for a problem set that apparently consists of three problems. Oh, except the first page is missing, so they posted THAT on the web.

At least their bookstore is actually centrally located, between the parking garage and the building where my class is held.

Oh, that reminds me. I also need to buy a parking pass. $90.

# : 4:07 PM : :

I'm going to be in Cleveland February 13-16th. I'll get in early Friday morning and leave Monday evening. There are no hard-and-fast plans yet but I was thinking about doing lunch with Case people on Fri or Mon, or going out Friday night. If you want to get together and don't hear from me, let me know.

# : 3:30 PM : :

Hamlet - The Text Adventure

I am very amused.

# : 12:37 PM : :

Why I Think My Cat Is On Acid

# : 10:16 AM : :

Surfing through other people's blogs has made me feel inadequate, because I am using a crappy pre-made Blogger template, and everyone else has a fancy designed CSS-y site. (Actually, there is nothing wrong with my Blogger template, except that (a) it's orange and (b) it's not Unique.) Unfortunately, though I am a Computer Professional, web design is not my forte. I kind of stink at it, and it's boring.

But I know there are people out there who do like that sort of thing, and are good at it to boot. So, does anyone want to design me a new template? If you do I'll buy you lunch, or a movie ticket, or a beer, or if you're an invisible friend I'll send you something off your wish list, or something. Any takers?

# : 2:42 PM : :

This morning I got the idea to save up all the good links I read today and put them all in a blog post. Very organized and efficient. Then I remembered that I had read an article I wanted to include but had NO idea where I found it. So I had to procrastinate posting. THEN I remembered that there's this nice browser feature called "History", which is hardly a secret but I always forget it's there. So, I've recollected all of them (I think).

'Dominate. Intimidate. Control': The sorry record of the Transportation Security Administration

On March 10, 2003, a TSA press release proudly announced, "The Transportation Security Administration has intercepted more than 4.8 million prohibited items at passenger security checkpoints in its first year, contributing to the security of the traveling public and the nation’s 429 commercial airports." ... And so all the fingernail clippers and cigar cutters seized since 9/11 transmogrified into proof that the federal government is protecting people better than ever. The press release did not mention that the checkpoint seizures included frying pans, dumbbell sets, horseshoes, toy robots, and an unknown but huge number of small pointy objects.

The article manages to be hilarious and appalling at the same time - definitely worth a read.

Illegals the Political 'Untouchables'

So who are the 17 percent who don't think illegal immigrants should be seized, jailed, have their property confiscated and deported?
Well, they're pretty much everyone in the two major parties, plus the entire U.S. media.

He goes on to point out that a major reason politicians don't want to deport illegals is because that would be too hard, and the bureaucracy is too incompetent to deal with even legal immigrants.

AOL Presidential Match

People have been linking to this right and left, but I think it's nuts. It gave me a 100% match with Al Sharpton, for heaven's sake, and a 69% match with Bush at the same time. I can't figure out how this happened: I agree with Sharpton on gay rights, the death penalty, and the Patriot Act, with a few more mixed matches on other issues. But I marked that foreign policy was the most important to me, and his views on Iraq are the opposite of mine and he didn't even have an opinion on trade! Clearly, this test was written in bizarro-world. And after watching Bush spend like money grows on trees, I am actually looking for someone else to vote for. Not helpful.

Editing to add another link:

Would the freethinking Jefferson be elected today?

Jefferson was probably far too skeptical and private about religion to win the Presidency nowadays. Though the religious right likes to claim the founding fathers for their own, look at this quote from one of Jefferson's letters:

Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear.... Those facts in the Bible which contradict the laws of nature, must be examined with more care, and under a variety of faces. Here you must recur to the pretensions of the writer to inspiration from God. Examine upon what evidence his pretensions are founded, and whether that evidence is so strong as that its falsehood would be more improbable than a change in the laws of nature in the case he relates....

But it's not just the religious right who'd have a problem with his attitudes; for some reason the majority of the population wants their candidate to talk about his personal relationship with God. And Jefferson wasn't a fan of that either:

I have ever thought religion a concern purely between our God and our consciences, for which we were accountable to him, and not to the priests. I never told my own religion, nor scrutinized that of another.

I think we need more philosopher-scientist politicians now. He'd have my vote.

# : 1:23 PM : :